My Childhood With ADHD: Hindsight is 20/20

Hindsight is 20/20. I feel this especially when it comes to being diagnosed with a mental health condition in adulthood. I was diagnosed with Attention-deficit/hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) in my early 20’s. I had enrolled in college and made it six months before I was failing my classes. I was so mad at myself. I had told myself prior to enrolling that I was going to do better than I did in elementary school and high school.

Facing academic challenges in college

I was putting in way more effort in college than I did in K-12 grades, yet I was yielding the same results. I didn’t understand the directions to a lot of my assignments despite them being explained to me. No matter how hard I tried I would get distracted doing homework and then turn in late assignments that weren’t done correctly.

I remember telling a friend that I was struggling. She suggested I get tested for ADHD. My first thought was that couldn’t be me because sitting still wasn’t an issue for me. I always thought that ADHD was something kids that couldn’t sit still had. I might’ve been able to sit still physically, but mentally my brain was like a circus performance 24/7.

I wasn't a bad kid, I was struggling

I went home and researched ADHD. I learned that there was much more to this mental health condition than what I thought. During my research I began reflecting on my early childhood years. So many things started making sense. I didn’t realize how much shame I was holding onto until I started to understand that there was a reason behind my behavior and struggles.

As a child I didn’t thrive academically. In elementary school, report cards were graded by determining if you exceeded, met, or did not meet the level at which you should be. My report cards often were charted in the “does not meet” category. These report cards also had a section where teachers could leave comments. The comments that I would receive were, “frequently disrupts class”, “talks during work time”, “disruptive to others”, and “does not stay in assigned seat.”

These were all symptoms to a disorder I didn’t know existed at the time. I was showing all the signs of struggling, but no one raised a flag to help me. Instead, I was viewed as a disruptive kid who was not meeting benchmarks. I was left to navigate a brain that I didn’t understand was struggling. I knew I wasn’t a bad kid, but I didn’t know why I struggled. This would have lasting impressions on my self worth and self-esteem.

Embarrassed to ask for help at school

I remember many times as a kid struggling to understand assignments. After the teacher explained an assignment, they would ask if anyone had any questions? I would look around the classroom praying that someone would raise their hand, but no one would. How could I be the only one who didn’t understand the assignment? I wouldn’t ask for more help because I was embarrassed that I didn’t understand it the way my peers did.

I had reason to be self-conscious about asking for extra help. One time I worked up enough courage to ask for help after the teacher explained the assignment. I was told that maybe I should’ve been paying attention the first time it was explained. I once had a teacher going over my grades and said to me that I clearly didn’t care about my future because of how my grades were. These instances leave lasting impressions on a person and not in a good way.

Children with ADHD need an advocate

Now that I have a better understanding of ADHD I sometimes get sad for the untreated younger version of myself. I wasn’t a bad kid and had so much potential. I just needed someone to advocate for me. I needed someone to see that I was displaying symptoms of a disorder. As a kid I didn’t have a word to describe my symptoms. As an adult I have the word and understanding.

I thrived after mental health treatment

I can happily say that once I received treatment I thrived. I graduated college with a 3.5 GPA. I earned my associate’s degree in business management. I had always loved writing as a kid. It was a way that I could express myself and my feelings. I had always wanted to write a book one day. I accomplished that goal in 2024 and published my first book called, I Am Her, She Is Me.

If there is one thing that I wish people knew about ADHD is that it doesn’t look the same for everyone. Symptoms vary. Sometimes the “distracted” kid just needs redirected. Sometimes the kid who is failing class needs someone to take the time to learn how they learn and teach them in a way they understand. The kid that is disrupting class might have so many words flowing in their brain and doesn’t know how to channel that in a productive way. Don’t give up on the kid who is different, because they have a lot to offer when given the chance to do it in a way that makes sense to them.